Let me expand …
Her first swim meet in which I will not (maybe, let’s see how I feel in an hour when I can take my pain meds again) be there to watch her races, flips, open turns, or sprints to the finish. I won’t be able to quiz her on what she’s eaten, make sure she eats enough, see if she needs ice for her shoulder or tell her how proud I am. Especially how proud I am of her coming back from her shoulder rehab. I won’t be there to share her triumphs or tell her its okay if she comes in over her seed time. I won’t be there to watch her stroke, see how its improved, see that miraculous aggressive thing that comes over her when someone is in the lane next to her. I sent her to the meet (my dear friend and partner in crime Maureen took her) with a Starbucks card, $10, a lunch box filled with fruit and leftover pizza (seriously? Pizza? Who AM I?) because this is where I am right now with my thoughts. In my defense, I offered to make her a whole grain sandwich with roasted chicken and avocado, but I think she thought the pizza was easier in the small amount of time we had. At least she questioned me on the pizza option, kudos to her. I told her to eat it in small bites, a little at a time, not all at once. That sounds good, right?
Maybe this is good for her. Maybe this is good for me. Right now it just makes me sad and more than a little sorry for myself. Stupid sinus infection.
Today is a day of firsts all around. Bennett makes his First Holy Communion tonight at Vigil Mass, so in addition to a monstrously long swim meet weekend, we have Bennett wearing his first suit, a party and family pictures to look forward to. Why do these things always seem to happen on the same day? I have no idea, but it at least provides the opportunity for family who come down to get a lot of bang for their buck so to speak. Not that I will remember any of it.
I am blessed with the best of mothers, mother-in-laws (I have TWO!) and sister in laws. The kind that let me checkout (but honestly, this sinus infection is pressing on the part of my brain that allows me to think for longer than 6.2 seconds, so one could say I checked out a few days ago), leave the kitchen, leave the dinner and go take my heavy drugs so I can sleep sitting up. I didn’t say goodnight, goodbye, thank you … nothing. Hopefully they will still love me later today when I can’t remember my name.
… Or their names. I am going on my fifth day of not a lot of sleep after all, although last night was a little better.
Today will come and go and we will have fun stories to laugh at later, I’m sure. Like how I was making the brownies for the meet and left out half the eggs. Or how Mimi and Mandy got lost coming in off the interstate and drove up the wrong way on the one way street. And that was just Friday, we’ve got two whole other days yet! Regardless, we will get through it and it will be full of laughter.
I’ve got thirty minutes until I can take the pain meds again. I think I’ll go find Abby on the Meet App so I can at least get a Ding when she swims.
And if none of this makes sense at all, I’m sorry. I’ll be back Monday (hopefully) coherent.